THE BIG BIG LULU BOOK
First off, a priest hired Big Lulu to drive up to Schenectady with baseball bats and smash a life-size ceramic buffalo. He got arrested.
Then, Archangela Bimbagulia asked him to find her father’s body because her mother, Zia Bimbagulia, kept digging it up and hiding it. Big Lulu managed to find a gallbladder, but the authorities thought it belonged to Jimmy Hoffa, so Big Lulu got arrested again.
Finally, when he was arrested for soiling the shoes of the United States Government with flaming bags of dog excretion, he had recently fallen from the top tier of the Flying Bustayabalia’s “Octagonal Trapezoid of Death and Worse,” and so luckily the left side of his face had been smashed into a perfect facsimile of Thomas Jefferson.
These adventures won’t be read in one sitting, or even a month, maybe not even in a year. Doesn’t matter. Decoding that which is recorded within could be a lifelong commitment, but one that need not be honored, so don’t worry about it. The message of THE BIG BIG LULU BOOK is: Any mind emptied of care and concern is a thing to be cherished. THE BIG BIG LULU BOOK should allow you to release tension and relieve your stress, to lengthen and enjoy your life. If used correctly.
So go on, use the book, don’t let it use you. Skip ahead, double back, leave out entire sections. Read those Autobahn-long (yet grammatically correct) sentences three, four, five times—as long as you’re still finding something to enjoy and unravel in them—or don’t read them at all. Read slowly while skipping along—decrypting while giggling. Bookmark the scenes and sentences that do something for you. Read them often. Recite from memory or make up your own. Quote, or misquote lines to befuddled friends. Read entire sections aloud to people who don’t care. If you are a plot purist, the chapter titles alone should provide you with enough sign posts to lead you to where you want to go. But always make sure to enjoy the trip.
Use THE BIG BIG LULU BOOK as a recreational drug, as a tranquilizer, or a sleeping pill. Big Lulu will allow you to nod off with a twinkle in your resting eyes, along with a light, gentle smile on your face.
Feel free to put the book away for a year, five years, more. Or never pick it up again. It will still be there.